If only... then I will be happy

Remember the days you prayed for the things you have now (?) (!)

You may have even, at that time, thought or stated something along the lines of…

“If only”…..(insert dreams, desires, wishes and hopes) “Then I would be happy…”

Yes, the infamous

“If only” phrase more often than not ends with the words… “then I would be happy”....

• If only I had a job I liked, then I could be more happy and pleasant at home /then I could save money to go on that trip…or save for my future.

• If only I could pay off my student loans, I could get my life on track.

• If only I had started earlier, I would be able to start a new life path.

• If only I had more support, I could have the confidence to finish my work.

• If only my boss saw my talents, I could get a raise and be appreciated more.

• If only my parents had pushed me more, I would be more successful.

• If only I had more time to do all the stuff s/he does, then I would be able to accomplish so much.

• If only I had more money, friends, experience...

• If only I spoke a second language, lost 20 lbs, had some connections...

• If only I were less shy/ more outgoing/more athletic/more flexible….

Then... surely THEN, you would be happy! (right?)

That “happy” must be compounding in abundance by now, no?

Well, how is that going for you?

Have we not already lived the 1000 lives of never being as happy as we imagined, that always wanting & needing more cycle of thinking that those external “things" are the path to happiness and success?

All the while, after reaching those intended milestones then simultaneously disregarding the previously “assured” happiness quotient promised to ourselves.

Resorting to the same practice of something like,

If only it hadn’t taken that long… then.. Yes, Then I would be happy.

What good do these impossible beliefs have?

They do best in promoting a defeatist mentality as happiness will never come from obtaining just that next best thing…. that perfect job, that ideal relationship, the perfect weight, that designer bag, fancy car, house, watch or what have you…

True happiness comes from... YES, we hear the cliché,

“Happiness comes from within” All...The...Time…

Happiness starts with you and it’s a choice to see what you have as a blessing or a lack.

Why do clichés get such a bad rap?

Aren’t clichés typically born from something real and experienced?

And don’t you think that something that is overused and predictable, as clichés are, is likely something that really does work?

Seeing happiness as something within our control and directly linked to our own thought process is a rather simple concept to understand, but less easy to grasp solidly, believe in and actually commit to our lives daily.

You already know you have the power to direct your mind to whatever you choose.

Yet, so many of us still find ourselves in these self-assuring patterns of promise that all we need is that one last attainment or accolade to reach our happy place.

Then later again to circle around to just one more...just one more and then, yes...

then I will be happy.

Hey, don’t feel bad, we have all gotten caught up in the disillusion of the, “If only.. Then” cycle..

We are human of course…we all want more for our lives and there is nothing wrong with that.

And while we reach for happiness as happiness may very well be the highest level of success, I too wish life were more simple at times.

But, I also know that if it were simpler, it wouldn’t necessarily make us happier as we wouldn’t enjoy the rewards of actually taking our lives in our own hands and working hard for the things we want. As we all (should) know, any reward given is less appreciated than one earned.

This all ties in neatly to the reason why we are never as happy as we imagine we should be when we reach our “If only.. Then” goal line…

It is simply because:

We are not meant to stop growing.

We were all born to grow.

Just as much physically, from an infant to an elderly, the intellect was created to be developed, to be tested and put through trials and pushed beyond our deepest imaginations.

And our education isn’t meant to stop at any specific age, our lives are meant to face challenges & change, and find solutions and certainties, as long as we are gifted with time alive.

But it isn’t until we start to take ownership of the distorted perception concocted both subconsciously and intentionally, in our thoughts that true happiness is derived from something external.

External circumstances will not amount to much when it comes to what we truly need and want.

Expecting that reality to be different is synonymous with letting life decide for you instead of you deciding for yourself. And your happiness is definitely lost in that equation.

So, I ask you…. What makes you happy?

***Please leave a thought, experience, question or anecdote of your own.

Have you ever found yourself caught up in the, “If only.. then” pattern?

How does that work for you?

(I do know it is arguable that some external factors are necessary to be happy and comfortable in life, but are you truly happy because of those things or is it something more?)

With love and happiness to you...